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【TOP 50】Dave Barry Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up - Dave Barry Quotes

I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up

Hate

I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie. - Dave Barry Quotes

I do not mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie.

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face. - Dave Barry Quotes

Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

American Journalist Fun

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent. - Dave Barry Quotes

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

American Journalist

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes. - Dave Barry Quotes

The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. - Dave Barry Quotes

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

American Journalist Children

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators. - Dave Barry Quotes

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

American Journalist Causes

The Internet

The Internet "browser"... is the piece of software that puts a message on your computer screen informing you that the Internet is currently busy and you should try again later.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. - Dave Barry Quotes

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

American Journalist

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers. - Dave Barry Quotes

Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers.

This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content. - Dave Barry Quotes

This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat content.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. - Dave Barry Quotes

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

American Journalist Coffee

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires. - Dave Barry Quotes

We believe that electricity exists, because the electric company keeps sending us bills for it, but we cannot figure out how it travels inside wires.

American Journalist Company

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath. - Dave Barry Quotes

Another possible source of guidance for teenagers is television, but television's message has always been that the need for truth, wisdom and world peace pales by comparison with the need for a toothpaste that offers whiter teeth and fresher breath.

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent. - Dave Barry Quotes

It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

American Journalist

Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot! - Dave Barry Quotes

Admit it, sport-utility-vehicle owners! It's shaped a little differently, but it's a station wagon! And you do not drive it across rivers! You drive it across the Wal-Mart parking lot!

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. - Dave Barry Quotes

The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example.

American Journalist

In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up. - Dave Barry Quotes

In South Florida, we have industrial cockroaches that have to be equipped with loud warning beepers so you can get out of their way when they back up.

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care. - Dave Barry Quotes

I realize that I'm generalizing here, but as is often the case when I generalize, I don't care.

American Journalist

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery. - Dave Barry Quotes

The Democrats seem to be basically nicer people, but they have demonstrated time and again that they have the management skills of celery.

American Journalist Democracy

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series. - Dave Barry Quotes

What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series.

Women

The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean,

The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, "people without lives." We don't care. We have each other...

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss. - Dave Barry Quotes

I regularly read Internet user groups filled with messages from people trying to solve software incompatibility problems that, in terms of complexity, make the U.S. Tax Code look like Dr. Seuss.

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece. - Dave Barry Quotes

There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece.

Computers Humankind

A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp. - Dave Barry Quotes

A full-grown manatee, which can weigh more than 1,000 pounds, looks like the result of a genetic experiment involving a walrus and the Goodyear Blimp.

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. - Dave Barry Quotes

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.

Friends Or Friendship

Technically, Windows is an

Technically, Windows is an "operating system," which means that it supplies your computer with the basic commands that it needs to suddenly, with no warning whatsoever, stop operating.

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors. - Dave Barry Quotes

American business long ago gave up on demanding that prospective employees be honest and hardworking. It has even stopped hoping for employees who are educated enough that they can tell the difference between the men's room and the women's room without having little pictures on the doors.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs. - Dave Barry Quotes

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

American Journalist

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number. - Dave Barry Quotes

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

Age And Aging American Journalist

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. - Dave Barry Quotes

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

American Journalist

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin. - Dave Barry Quotes

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

American Journalist

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet - Dave Barry Quotes

One day soon the Gillette company will announce the development of a razor that, thanks to a computer microchip, can actually travel ahead in time and shave beard hairs that don't even exist yet

One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or

One popular new plastic surgery technique is called lip grafting, or "fat recycling" wherein fat cells are removed from one part of your body that is too large, such as your buttocks, and injected into your lips; people will then be literally kissing ass.

Washington is nicknamed

Washington is nicknamed "The Evergreen State" because it sounds better than "The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State."

To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep. - Dave Barry Quotes

To enter Europe, you must have a valid passport with a photograph of yourself in which you look like you are being booked on charges of soliciting sheep.

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. - Dave Barry Quotes

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

American Journalist

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. - Dave Barry Quotes

The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot.

American Journalist

New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace like Segal.3. Driver hates you. - Dave Barry Quotes

New York Taxi Rules:1. Driver speaks no English.2. Driver just got here two days ago from someplace like Segal.3. Driver hates you.

Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures. - Dave Barry Quotes

Today, of course, it is considered very poor taste to use the F-word except in major motion pictures.

Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages - Dave Barry Quotes

Americans who travel abroad for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the last 30 years, many foreign people still speak in foreign languages

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night - Dave Barry Quotes

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Circumstances Funny Quote of the Day Short

In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print. - Dave Barry Quotes

In those days, most people read newspapers, whereas today, most people do not. What caused this change? One big factor, of course, is that people are a lot stupider than they used to be, although we here in the newspaper industry would never say so in print.

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. - Dave Barry Quotes

Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

American Journalist Consumed

Miami does not have a visitor-friendly airport. At Miami International, a cramped and dingy labyrinth, the message is: Just Try to Find Our Baggage Claim Area! - Dave Barry Quotes

Miami does not have a visitor-friendly airport. At Miami International, a cramped and dingy labyrinth, the message is: Just Try to Find Our Baggage Claim Area!

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer. - Dave Barry Quotes

Experts agree that the best type of computer for your individual needs is one that comes on the market about two days after you actually purchase some other computer.

Computers Technology

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry Quotes

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

American Journalist

The reason it's called

The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like.

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective. - Dave Barry Quotes

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

American Journalist Journalism

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. - Dave Barry Quotes

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

Editor's Pick Funny Quote of the Day

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